Grace and the bad days

Yesterday was not a good day. It was a bad day. Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (please tell me you caught my children’s book reference). Like, I went to the bathroom during break and cried for a bit, bad. I was tired, I had a headache and I kept making stupid mistakes in class, bad day.

Some days are great. I can follow conversations with not as much struggle. I can even contribute a few thoughts and sentences. It feels good. I feel good. Confident, almost. I can do this.

Other days, I am exhausted. My head hurts from concentrating so hard on the funny sounding words that keep flowing effortlessly from these people’s mouths. Why do they make it seem so easy? Why is it such a struggle for me to make sense of these sentences? Why is it even harder for me to put together coherent sentences in this language?

Before we came to Spain, almost 2 months ago now, everyone kept saying “Oh it will be so easy!” “You’ll be speaking Spanish in no time!” or the worst, “You already speak Spanish, right?!”

Lies. LIES I TELL YOU!

This is hard. Some days it’s down-right exhausting.

But, each day God teaches me a little more about grace. The grace He has towards me. The grace He has towards others. And the grace I need to show myself.

I have realized exactly why I quit just about every sport, instrument and extracurricular activity I started. I have come to accept my perfectionist tendencies. I hate, hate to be corrected. It’s awful, I cringe inside every time our (wonderful, kind and patient) teacher corrects me. Even over simple things.

But everyday God reminds me that I am learning this language just like everyone else has learned a language. Success and utter failure. Stupid, silly mistake after stupid, silly mistake.  And as much as it pains me to struggle along, it will get better. The words will come more easily with time, practice and grace. Lots and lots of grace.

His grace is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient for me.