Grace and the bad days

Yesterday was not a good day. It was a bad day. Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (please tell me you caught my children’s book reference). Like, I went to the bathroom during break and cried for a bit, bad. I was tired, I had a headache and I kept making stupid mistakes in class, bad day.

Some days are great. I can follow conversations with not as much struggle. I can even contribute a few thoughts and sentences. It feels good. I feel good. Confident, almost. I can do this.

Other days, I am exhausted. My head hurts from concentrating so hard on the funny sounding words that keep flowing effortlessly from these people’s mouths. Why do they make it seem so easy? Why is it such a struggle for me to make sense of these sentences? Why is it even harder for me to put together coherent sentences in this language?

Before we came to Spain, almost 2 months ago now, everyone kept saying “Oh it will be so easy!” “You’ll be speaking Spanish in no time!” or the worst, “You already speak Spanish, right?!”

Lies. LIES I TELL YOU!

This is hard. Some days it’s down-right exhausting.

But, each day God teaches me a little more about grace. The grace He has towards me. The grace He has towards others. And the grace I need to show myself.

I have realized exactly why I quit just about every sport, instrument and extracurricular activity I started. I have come to accept my perfectionist tendencies. I hate, hate to be corrected. It’s awful, I cringe inside every time our (wonderful, kind and patient) teacher corrects me. Even over simple things.

But everyday God reminds me that I am learning this language just like everyone else has learned a language. Success and utter failure. Stupid, silly mistake after stupid, silly mistake.  And as much as it pains me to struggle along, it will get better. The words will come more easily with time, practice and grace. Lots and lots of grace.

His grace is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient for me.

Thoughts on routine, adjustments and language.

After two and a half weeks in Spain, we are beginning to feel slightly more normal. We have adjusted to the time change, are learning our way around town and into Madrid and found an apartment to rent. We still have a few daunting tasks ahead; residency, buying a car, getting a Spanish drivers license and actually speaking Spanish.

We have settled into a daily routine for now. We are up and ready in time to catch the 7:28am train into Madrid. The ride in is really quite scenic. Out one side you can see the sunrise over the four skyscrapers of Madrid and the other; trees, dry fields and a river as you approach each town. The train part of our commute is about 45 minutes. We get off at Principe Pio and quickly make our way down to catch the metro. I really don't like to miss the first one, not because of the time but mostly because this station is not enclosed so it is REALLY cold in the mornings. I often consider that we may have accidentally taken a train to Alaska.

We push our way in with dozens of others and ride silently three stops, each time making our way across the car to get out on the other side. We have made a routine of stopping for coffee around the block from the school. This gives us time to breath and review work before class.

This morning we skipped class to collect a document for our residency card and figure out what is happening with the electricity at our apartment. The paper we need will be ready tomorrow and our electricity should be on in three or four days. Last night we found a car and plan to pick it up on Friday.

It feels strange that it has been less than a month since we arrived in Spain. The days have gone quickly but it seems like a lot has been accomplished. Each day I feel more and more at home in El Escorial and blessed to be surrounded by a team that desires for us to be involved in the ministry.

We know that in order to be effective in ministry, we must be proficient in the language. For the next couple of months we plan to focus our efforts on language learning. Please pray with us that our minds are receptive to the material we are learning and our mouths will speak well as we begin to speak more. Pray also for humility as we know mistakes will come.

We very much want to communicate with this community around us.

Gentle Teaching

Thirty-seven percent. That is where our account sits at this point.

I punch these numbers in the calculator on my phone multiple times a week. On days that the first numbers goes up- I punch them in over and over. Amazed at how the result changes.
When nothing changes for a couple of weeks my mood changes. I become frustrated. I wonder where the disconnect is.
Why isn't anything coming in?
Is it something I am saying during "the ask?"
Are we not making our purpose clear enough?
Do we need to change something?
Take a new approach?
Why isn't the money coming in?!

I wonder these things and I pray. I pray that God will send us to the right people at the right time. But I don't often stop to think that- maybe the right time hasn't come yet.
Maybe the right person isn't ready yet.
Maybe we aren't ready yet.

I really did think that we would be further along than 37% by now. I really hoped we would be at least half way. Maybe closer.
But we aren't. Here we sit- at 37% funded. Looking forward to Jeremy's last month of work. Cross-training and the potential of months without steady income.

I have started reading more out of Streams in the Desert. Because, well, it's appropriate and maybe a little cliche.
But, honestly, it couldn't be more encouraging.

I had not read out of the book in several days, so (I as sweated my way through 20 minutes on the elliptical),  I opened it up to May 22nd and I re-read the verse at the top.
Commit you way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this. Psalm 37:5

I flipped tapped a couple of pages over on the Kindle...
I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me. Psalm 57:2

May 23rd
They were at their wits' end. They they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. Psalm 107:27-28

May 27th
Bring them here to me. Matthew 14:18

To me the Lord said, "Bring what you have to me. That $1,851 you have in pledges? Give it up. Let me have it and do with it what I want. You don't have it all. But I do. They don't have it all. I've got it."

My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

"You hear that? I've got it. I am the the source. I am the means and the way in which to receive it. You can't do this on your own. Give. It. Up."

May 28th
I will not let you go unless you bless me. Genesis 32:26
Not my will, but yours be done. Luke 22:42

I will no longer work by my strength alone. I will not work against the time He has allowed to pass. I will find the joy in this preparation and be grateful for the gentle teaching He has given me.

A New Season- A New Love

This past week has been one of many, many blessings, both small and large.
Together, Jeremy and I celebrated a huge milestone in our lives and preparation for ministry- We graduated! I walked across the stage to receive with a Bachelors in Intercultural Studies and Jeremy graduated with a Masters in Ministry. Now, after-the-fact, it does seem a little surreal.

Our time at Laurel University is quickly coming to a close. Jeremy has been a student at the school for six years. Five of those years he has worked full-time in the Admissions Department. The last three of those years he has held the title of "Director of  Enrollment Management"- a title so long they had to abbreviate to fit on the door. Two years ago this past weekend, Jeremy received a B.A. in Pastoral Ministry.

I have been a full-time student since 2009. In the fall of 2008, while Jeremy was a sophomore, I came to visit the school with my Mom. I had no idea that I had met my husband that day. Jeremy was currently working three part-time jobs and attending classes. He was a work-study student in the admissions office so he gave me a tour around the two-story, all-inclusive building that is John Wesley College/Laurel University.

At that time, I was dead-set on becoming a full-time missionary, with or without a husband. I had no intentions of being a local pastor's wife or even living in the U.S. past finishing my degree. About eight months into our relationship, my plans had begun to change right before my eyes. Or so I thought. You see, God sure has a funny way of doing things. I continued to jump on every opportunity I had to travel. I joined the school on trips to Mexico City (Jeremy's first trip outside the country), Kenya, and Colombia. 

Now, Jeremy is preparing to train the lady who will soon take his office. I am preparing to leave a family who has been so good to me as their babysitter/nanny over the past 5 years.


The next two months will be the end of a season in our life that has forever changed us. We are asked over and over again if we are ready for the move. At this point, we are as ready as we can be. I trust that God has prepared for this point and He will continue to prepare and guide us as we go. We still have a ways to go in our monthly budget requirement and we will have weeks of formal training ahead of us. But, at this point, we are as prepared as we can be.

I will say this to close- My heart is ready to see the hearts of Spanish people turn to Christ. It is hard to explain how you can love a people and a country you hardly know. But part of God's preparation has been to give me a love for these people. I desperately want to see them know Christ. As this season of life ends for us, I can sense the turning of my heart towards new things as God gives me a new love for His people.

Freely, Freely

So many tragic and unfortunate events have been in the news lately. So many tragic and unfortunate events happen every day that go unnoticed by most. Situations like the Sandy Hook shooting, kidnappings, or stranded cruise ships that remind me of one thing- grace. These events remind me and probably most Christians of our need for grace. How fallen and broken we are. How evil humanity is. How desperately we need Jesus.

But, these events also bring out the worst in people. It is situations like these where anger and vengeance seem so much easier. Our first reaction to any injustice seems to be retaliation. We want to get even. We want to make things “right.” An eye for an eye,right? If you hurt me, well then deserve it. That seems to be our attitude. We feel like we are owed something. This person who has done us wrong must make it right.  It is as if we believe our reaction will right the wrong that has been done. These bad things that happen to us-they just aren't fair! We must make everything fair!

Now, what about the smaller, everyday injustices?

Someone take your parking spot? That jerk.
The store won’t accept your return? Poor customer service.
Did you waiter forget to fill your drink? No tip for him.
Did you have to wait in line too long? You could run the store better.  

Tough day at work? You let 'em have it.
Nearly every day we experience unfair, inconvenient, and crappy situations. Every day we have a chance to extend grace.

Things aren't fair. Life isn't fair. Grace is not fair. 

Every day we wake up and we hope for things to go just our way. We expect people to be kind and considerate. We expect traffic to run smoothly and every person we meet to be pleased to see us. We never hope to encounter a situation that requires patience and grace. We never want to be inconvenienced. But, how do we act when we are inconvenienced?

Do we exhibit the fruit of the Spirit or the fruit of the world?
Are we patient, kind and self-controlled or are we rude, greedy and angry?

Do we hold these unfair things over someone's head? Do we hold a grudge? Do we expect everyone to see things our way?

If we carry the name of Christ this choice is important. How we react to injustice, no matter how insignificant, is a reflection of Christ. It is a direct reflection of how we view Christ’s grace. Do you have a shallow understanding of grace? Do you realize the vastness of Christ’s death and salvation?

Christ’s grace is not just for you. It is not just for your salvation. It is for you, as follower of Christ to take and pour out over every situation and encounter. God’s grace is not just for the big things- it’s for the little things as well. Christ has given us the authority and the means to show grace and to be grace in the world.

A song kept coming to mind it says,

“He said 'Freely, freely you have received;, freely, freely give. 

Go in my name, and because you believe others will know that I live. 


Christ freely gives us all grace, all mercy and shows us perfect kindness. 
Are we doing the same for others or are we holding back?