It's beginning to feel like home.

A few weeks ago we crashed the home of a missionary family to spend a little with them before the head back to the States. We have not worked directly with this family but spent three weeks with them last summer in Cross-Training. Like good guests we requested that they pick us up at the bus stop and bring us back to their house to eat their food and sit in their living room. It was lovely.

As we talked about life and ministry our friend asked us a question that I had not given a lot of thought to. ¨When did Spain start to feel like home?¨ For this family it was about the ninth month. Funny enough, they are finishing up a 11ish month term and will be heading back to the States to press play on their lives in Kentucky.

I think at that point (a few weeks ago) we had already began thinking of Spain as home. Earlier I began training myself to stop referring to North Carolina/The States as home. Think what you may about that but, it just didn't seem right to me. Sure, I will always have ¨a home¨ there, but for me, now, Spain is my home.

Sometimes it is a scary thought. Sometimes it's intimidating and frustrating and a lot of other negative emotions. But other times it's beautiful and peaceful and better than I ever imagined. Every time I look out our window or otherwise catch a glimpse of the mountains that surround me almost all the time, I am reminded of the promise that God gave me.

The mountains will sing. 

Sometimes it might be my own single voice singing praises to God. Sometimes others will join and will make a chorus of joyful songs. But God promised me mountains. And to me, that promise is home.

And just like that...

Jeremy and I have been in Spain almost three months. We have dedicated this time to language learning and adjusting to our new home. But really, this is just the beginning. In many ways we are still adjusting and will be "language learning" for many more months. Even though we have learned light years faster than our high school and college Spanish classes, we still have a lot to learn.

I have wanted to share with you a "day in the life" sort of post but really, our days are usually pretty boring. 

6:30- Wake up, eat breakfast, get ready.

7:40- Walk to train station.

7:58- Train leaves station.

8:42- Train arrives in Madrid.

9:00- Walk into school.

9:30- Class starts

11:30- 30 minute break

1:30- Class is over

Possibly stay in Madrid for lunch with friends or for an activity with the school. Or we make our way to the train station and head home.

Some days we have plans for the evening but a lot of days our brains are tired. About once a week now I have a group of kids over to practice English. (Today, I taught the group the word "disappointment."  I was quickly disappointed in myself for teaching them that word.) I have developed a wonderful habit of changing directly into sweatpants as soon as we get home. Actually, I asked our friend Josh the first night of our now weekly Sunday night dinner, if his friend Lucas was coming because if he wasn't, I was wearing sweatpants. Lucas came (and continues to come), I wore jeans. 

I don't know why I told you all that. I'm just really honest. It's a good thing I moved to Spain, the people are really honest here. 

Anyway, the crazy thing is, just as quickly as we have adjusted to this routine, it is coming to a close.

After the last week of this month, our time at language school will end.

Soon our days will look completely different. We will still have language study but instead with a tutor. I am considering taking a class or two at the Cultural Center in El Escorial. This will force me to step out of my Spanish comfort zone and interact with people in the town. Obviously that is why we are here- to interact.

Pray with us as we explore means of meeting people, and building relationships. 

We realize, culturally, that making new friends and building new relationships is different in Spain. But, while the culture is different, the need is the same. People need love. People need grace. People need community. Ultimately, people need Jesus.

Pray that we are aware of these needs everyday. Pray that we are sensitive to specific locations in our town. Pray that the Lord will lead us to new Spanish friends and that He will continue establish a community of people around us. Pray that will be light and life in dark and lifeless places.

Grace and the bad days

Yesterday was not a good day. It was a bad day. Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (please tell me you caught my children’s book reference). Like, I went to the bathroom during break and cried for a bit, bad. I was tired, I had a headache and I kept making stupid mistakes in class, bad day.

Some days are great. I can follow conversations with not as much struggle. I can even contribute a few thoughts and sentences. It feels good. I feel good. Confident, almost. I can do this.

Other days, I am exhausted. My head hurts from concentrating so hard on the funny sounding words that keep flowing effortlessly from these people’s mouths. Why do they make it seem so easy? Why is it such a struggle for me to make sense of these sentences? Why is it even harder for me to put together coherent sentences in this language?

Before we came to Spain, almost 2 months ago now, everyone kept saying “Oh it will be so easy!” “You’ll be speaking Spanish in no time!” or the worst, “You already speak Spanish, right?!”

Lies. LIES I TELL YOU!

This is hard. Some days it’s down-right exhausting.

But, each day God teaches me a little more about grace. The grace He has towards me. The grace He has towards others. And the grace I need to show myself.

I have realized exactly why I quit just about every sport, instrument and extracurricular activity I started. I have come to accept my perfectionist tendencies. I hate, hate to be corrected. It’s awful, I cringe inside every time our (wonderful, kind and patient) teacher corrects me. Even over simple things.

But everyday God reminds me that I am learning this language just like everyone else has learned a language. Success and utter failure. Stupid, silly mistake after stupid, silly mistake.  And as much as it pains me to struggle along, it will get better. The words will come more easily with time, practice and grace. Lots and lots of grace.

His grace is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient for me.

Thoughts on routine, adjustments and language.

After two and a half weeks in Spain, we are beginning to feel slightly more normal. We have adjusted to the time change, are learning our way around town and into Madrid and found an apartment to rent. We still have a few daunting tasks ahead; residency, buying a car, getting a Spanish drivers license and actually speaking Spanish.

We have settled into a daily routine for now. We are up and ready in time to catch the 7:28am train into Madrid. The ride in is really quite scenic. Out one side you can see the sunrise over the four skyscrapers of Madrid and the other; trees, dry fields and a river as you approach each town. The train part of our commute is about 45 minutes. We get off at Principe Pio and quickly make our way down to catch the metro. I really don't like to miss the first one, not because of the time but mostly because this station is not enclosed so it is REALLY cold in the mornings. I often consider that we may have accidentally taken a train to Alaska.

We push our way in with dozens of others and ride silently three stops, each time making our way across the car to get out on the other side. We have made a routine of stopping for coffee around the block from the school. This gives us time to breath and review work before class.

This morning we skipped class to collect a document for our residency card and figure out what is happening with the electricity at our apartment. The paper we need will be ready tomorrow and our electricity should be on in three or four days. Last night we found a car and plan to pick it up on Friday.

It feels strange that it has been less than a month since we arrived in Spain. The days have gone quickly but it seems like a lot has been accomplished. Each day I feel more and more at home in El Escorial and blessed to be surrounded by a team that desires for us to be involved in the ministry.

We know that in order to be effective in ministry, we must be proficient in the language. For the next couple of months we plan to focus our efforts on language learning. Please pray with us that our minds are receptive to the material we are learning and our mouths will speak well as we begin to speak more. Pray also for humility as we know mistakes will come.

We very much want to communicate with this community around us.

Purpose- It's more than you can handle

Last week, I shared with a group of mothers at a MOPS meeting. I shared with them about my calling to missions and our purpose for ministering in Spain. I shared with the mom's about how I, as a child raised in the church, felt that I had no purpose. I was normal, ordinary, average. I didn't have anything special to offer. I continued with this feeling of inadequacy until just a couple of months ago.

Jeremy and I arrived at cross-training and received our chapel schedule. And guess who was first in line to share testimonies? We were. I went back to our apartment that night not very happy. I don't like sharing I my "testimony."
I don't even have one.
I am Ordinary. 

In those moments of panic and gut wrenching frustration with whoever thought this was a good idea- God reminded me. He reminded me that while I am the plainest of the plain- He is the EXTRA to my ordinary. 

When I was 15, God took my life and gave it purpose. He placed a calling on my life that has given me confidence for each step I take. I didn't realize at that time where this calling would take me- but I took each opportunity I could find. The Lord has given me faith to trust Him as He leads. 
He has provided for my every need- including my need for a companion for the journey.
He provided me with a husband- a husband who has stepped up to the plate in so many ways along this path. Jeremy heard the Lord's calling and responded immediately. 

There has never been a time when God has not provided just what we needed. 
My journey to the mission field looks nothing like what I had expected. Instead it has been just what I needed. It has been much longer and much more exhausting than I hoped. It has brought me to my sobbing, frantic and painful wit's end more times than I would like to admit.

But the truth I have found is this: God ALWAYS gives you more than you can handle. Even when I felt that I had no purpose- I couldn't handle it. I could not muster up my own purpose. God had to give it to me. If our lives are not more than we can handle, then our lives will never bring God glory.

If you are not stepping out in faith, then you are coasting along on your own strength. Your own strength will ultimately fail you. Your own planning will fail you. Your own purpose will fail you. 
God's strength, God's planning and God's purpose will not fail you. It will bring Him glory. 

Take a step of faith. Put your foot into the rushing waters of life and allow God to part it for you. 

"Joshua told the people, 'Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.'
...So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the Lord stopped in the middle of the Jordan and stood on dry ground, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground." 
-Joshua 3:5,14-17